SaveTheUnicorns

Leaving the cat town

Soul crushing layovers

Things the Dubai airport has
- women in high healed leather sneakers
- teenagers with swastikas on their shirts dancing around an iPod
- cavier bar
- somebody I am going to sleep with
- prayer calls
- Ed hardy store
- a layover I thought was 2 hours but is really 14. Duh.

Things the Dubai airport does not have
- a place to get a pedicure
- movie theater
- a reason to live
- bricks of gold for sale

I was just smart enough to go to lasagna.com and it was just a stupid Barilla website

This is what insomnia looks like in India.

How many times can I make a guy think I will go all the way but then leave him with a hardon I am entirely unable to relieve him of because my heart is beating out of my chest? Well, I guess I can say the count is up to four in India. And this one is staying in the same hotel as me. I guess I should have just asked, How awkward can I get in 2012? The answer is, This awkward.

Happy New Year

I’m so excited for the world to end.

This place is the craziest soccer match I’ve ever been to.

Postcards from India; an exercise in restraint

Dear mom & dad,
You’re suffocating me from the other side of the world. You’ve got to let me go. Seriously. I brought condoms.
Love, M

Dear R,
India’s great without you but would be better with. Actually, India’s great without you.
Xoxo, M

Dear coworkers and friends,
Try doing something that scares you every once in awhile. Like traveling to a place you’re 70% likely to piss out your ass before you leave. You’re boring me.
Xoxo forever, Melissa

Dear M,
Things are amazing. You’d never survive here.
Xoxo, M

People who play chess,
It’s cool you’re better at strategy than me. I’m just am not a planner. Really I’m in India with no direction and its great. Let’s be friends.
4evs, M

Hey self,
Chill the fuck out. You will drink a beer on the other side of the world for a dollar. I’d call that as everything WORKING OUT JUST FINE.
Okay, M

India,
You’re perfect and I wouldn’t change you but if the cows are so sacred why do you let them eat your trash you threw in the streets? Also, why are elephants lucky but cows aren’t?
No judging, Melissa

I’m waiting to get on a plane in dubai to take me away from this materialistic, vain, ridiculous society to get to India where I can drink a beer that’s not a Fosters for $13 at happy hour, don’t worry I wasn’t that desperate and eat some more fantastic food and expose my lungs to more pollution and hopefully not piss out of my ass and I should be reading my book instead I’m browsing the Internet because instead of getting smarter I like gettiNg dumber. Periods and puppies y’all.

P.S. I HOPE THERES MORE FREE SCOTCH ON THIS PLANE. DON’T LET ME DOWN EMIRATE AIR

“I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.”

BRB y’all.

The only description I have for this feeling that set in about 9 hours ago is “I think I’m going to throw up.”