February 2012
2 posts
I’ve been thinking how there must be some kind of paralyzing aspect of this town or maybe it’s just an excuse for my behavior which is really my lack of fighting for exactly what I want or deserve and it’s so awful to come home and smile at your cat and smell the smell of a hundred year old home a smell so distinct in this town because it’s so rare and it feels so good in...
January 2012
4 posts
2 tags
Leaving the cat town
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Soul crushing layovers
Things the Dubai airport has
- women in high healed leather sneakers
- teenagers with swastikas on their shirts dancing around an iPod
- cavier bar
- somebody I am going to sleep with
- prayer calls
- Ed hardy store
- a layover I thought was 2 hours but is really 14. Duh.
Things the Dubai airport does not have
- a place to get a pedicure
- movie theater
- a reason to live
- bricks of...
1 tag
I was just smart enough to go to lasagna.com and...
This is what insomnia looks like in India.
How many times can I make a guy think I will go all the way but then leave him with a hardon I am entirely unable to relieve him of because my heart is beating out of my chest? Well, I guess I can say the count is up to four in India. And this one is staying in the same hotel as me. I guess I should have just asked, How awkward can I get in 2012? The answer is, This awkward.
December 2011
12 posts
Happy New Year
I’m so excited for the world to end.
This place is the craziest soccer match I’ve ever been to.
Postcards from India; an exercise in restraint
Dear mom & dad,
You’re suffocating me from the other side of the world. You’ve got to let me go. Seriously. I brought condoms.
Love, M
Dear R,
India’s great without you but would be better with. Actually, India’s great without you.
Xoxo, M
Dear coworkers and friends,
Try doing something that scares you every once in awhile. Like traveling to a place...
I’m waiting to get on a plane in dubai to take me away from this materialistic, vain, ridiculous society to get to India where I can drink a beer that’s not a Fosters for $13 at happy hour, don’t worry I wasn’t that desperate and eat some more fantastic food and expose my lungs to more pollution and hopefully not piss out of my ass and I should be reading my book instead...
5 tags
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than...
BRB y’all.
The only description I have for this feeling that...
This city will eat you alive it was a cloudy Sunday with sprinkles throughout the day and a fire was being put out at sunset so the white smoke trailed up into the clouds above and it looked like the city had a thought bubble and I sat on a rock on the top of a mountain ignoring how difficult it would be to get down in the dark because I wanted to know the words that filled the thought bubble and...
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I clicked 'Confirm Payment' and of course there...
Boof. This is my life.
Do you think everyone ends up in L.A. at some...
My toes are cold but I won’t I won’t I won’t close the windows and doors because it makes you feel alive, you know, in a way you don’t get to the rest of the year it’s really okay to roll your eyes and I’m sitting in a chair worth an entire week’s pay in my parent’s house and I finally found a place to call home for a little while it feels like a...
November 2011
9 posts
2 tags
I wish you could experience what hormones do to...
“Are you getting your period?”
“OMG LEAVE ME ALONE. NOT NOW RIGHT NOW I’M ANGRY AND SAD AND MANIC AND DEPRESSED AND LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO I’M CRYING GOD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.”
“Oh, ummm okay then. I’ll call you later.”
This is of course followed by uncontrollable sobbing and suffocating guilt that I can’t control this all the time....
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1. Do you miss me?
2. Why do I get so lonely when doing exactly what I want?
3. Why is it instinct to cut off all my hair when I am sad? Beauty isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In art school, in lit classes, in philosophy, in everything worth thinking about beauty is safe and boring. Except art history. We don’t speak of the beauty there. There’s the image of god and the...
I highly suggest writing your annual performance review while drinking an entire bottle of red wine. When it’s done and you’ve submitted it, send an email to your boss saying, $6 bottle organic tempranillo? I’m gonna need the morning off.
Your boss immediately writes you an email, I may be a better person for having read this. But you’re going to need to remove the word...
October 2011
14 posts
1 tag
Foods I bought for the homeless tonight
1 box English breakfast tea
1 can fire roasted tomatoes
1 can light coconut milk
1 bag jasmine rice
1 box tomato roasted red pepper soup
1 bag blistered peanuts
1 can organic black beans
1 bag organic dark chocolate chips
Foods I bought for me
3 bottles Spanish red wine
1 box frozen waffles for pb&j sandwiches
1 bag frozen sweet potato fries
2 boxes organic butter
more produce...
Costume idea #78
Jesus. With a pin on your lapel that says, Nailed It!
Dear Internet,
Look, fucker. How am I supposed to get anything done when you’re hanging out? I have an online class to finish. The Mighty Boosh on dvd. Finance documents to prepare for a training I’m presenting in the morning. Emails to respond to. Listen, fucker. I want my life back. File cabinets to finish refurbishing. Tables to build. Resumes to write. Tears to wipe from cheeks.
Please...
I wish I could be a cocoon for Halloween
I have three pet caterpillars that were eating my organic plants. They now live in luxury homes with netting on top. I feed them two to three times a day. I am an obsessive mother. Their names are Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez and The Jonas Brother with Diabetes (full name). One day they will stop eating my plants and cocoon and turn into beautiful mammoth moths. I wish that was something...
Your birthday is my pin number
I’ve been trying to purchase my way out of this funk and tonight I realized why it’s not working.
Of course I would identify with Donald Kaufman
Do you need some Halloween costume ideas?
Blossom, the 90s hit tv star Sideways Stories from Wayside School teacher Mrs Gorf Jessica Fletcher of Murder, She Wrote Baberaham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln with a boner Lasagna
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Stand in front of the mirror. Look. Look hard. The makeup smudged under eyes. Hair long past shoulders, waves cascading framing your face from a long day in a high bun. Look hard. Eyes are tired, mouth is tense, skin looks awful. Why are you so unhappy. Why are you shutting down. Why are you letting yourself do what you do best. You know what I’m talking about. You’re doing that thing...
Another round of antibiotics ten days worth in a little orange bottle with my name on the front take with food take all take me away from here I swallow two immediately chased by a beer which troubles me because I think I got this kidney infection from drinking too much beer and too much stress but I plan on being at work when the sun rises and I plan on drinking these beers until I can be nice to...
Thank god for coconut water with pulp from Mexico...
September 2011
18 posts
Why the fuck am I crying right now?
1 tag
I have started speaking to my cat as if she's...
I ask with a terrible accent, Are you Mario or Luigi today meaning are you a fat bitch who will yell at me or I don’t know, something more respectable. I also often reference Count Von Count. Is he Italian? I don’t know but I think she likes it when I count and do the laugh.
I’m officially losing it. But taco night got so much better with the addition of this avocado. Silver...
Forgive and forget or let my heart hang heavy make a decision make a decision make a goddamn decision I yell inside my head the decision should be don’t let those assholes bring you down you shouldn’t let them affect you like this no no no you are not broken you are not cracked you are not phased by this but they’re not assholes they’re people I love which is why it hurts...
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I admit to putting my hair in a high bun on...
Today I lost my mind.
Yesterday I cried at my desk.
Tuesday I didn’t eat anything.
Monday I had vertigo and fell down a flight of stairs.
Maybe I’m just not meant to be employed.
Second case of tonsillitis in less than a month
WebMD told me I might get PANDAS if I let it go untreated. PANDAS! They’re as excited as I am. Fuck me in the face now please.
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Fuck.
I miss you.
I don’t want to live the rest of my life.
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