December 2010
26 posts
2 tags
Why do I always do this?
Drink the night before I know I am going to be offered so many drugs. That’s what New Years Eve night should be called. Offered So Many Drugs Night. Or, ummm, did I ever tell you I was part Blackfoot Native American? That’s my Indian name.
But for real. Good god, Black Boss Porter, will you marry me?
Why anybody gets into politics and why everybody doesn’t get into porn is beyond me. The pure power of sex is not a conversation I’ve had as of late. Even when raw and sore, when your muscles ache in ways that only come from fucking, you can look around the room with this gaze that only comes post-sex periods when you don’t owe anything to the person who gave you this power....
I wish cars had a built-in feature that accepts your efforts to placate it. Look, I’m driving down the road and I know, I know, you’re going to start beeping at me to put my seat belt on but could you not beep when I have the seat belt pulled across my lap as I fumble to click it together? Can’t you feel that I’m trying. I’m making an effort. Doesn’t that...
Truth is, I am an adult
I tried to glue my bed back together tonight.
Things I learned:
You cannot superglue metal to metal
You can however glue your fingers to metal
Happy holidays bitches.
Hosting Christmas Eve dinner
Grandma showed up at 9am for 4pm Christmas Eve dinner today. Answered in a wife beater with eyeliner from several days ago raccooning my eyes, lipstick smeared on my cheek and a nest in my hair. Hungover, I offered her some of my coconut water and went back to cleaning the bathroom. She hissed at me while I was scrubbing the tub that she was “worried about my reputation.” Oh god…...
1 tag
This is what happens when you try to squeeze in a...
I lovingly call them my ‘Nam vets.
1 tag
[Bono:] Well tonight thank God it’s them instead...
Want to open an abortion clinic and call it "Tardy...
Period parties!
Don’t Be Late.
Friend: Why do you still talk to him?
Me: Because... it's harder to be apart than it is to be together.
v.05
What it feels like to be the deer head mounted on the wall; somebody’s trophy. Can you comprehend?
In the morning, he high-fived his roommate while I stood in front of them in a tshirt and underwear and muttered under my breath that he’s not even very good at it.
v.04
The thing is, you can’t become too invested in anything because eventually everything will disappoint you.
2 tags
Went to the party with a car mechanic
Left with a motorcycle mechanic.
Well, a hipster-can’t-find-work motorcycle mechanic so he’s stripping instead and getting shitty tattoos.
1 tag
I hope this doesn't end as badly as last Saturday
My car battery died this afternoon
Merry xxxmas to me. Hello $100 unexpected gift to myself.
It’s not all bad though. After I lectured the dealership about their product, the mechanic came by to jump my car after I refused to pay for their services. Guess who now has a date to the holiday party tonight?
After the stressful day, after the positive work review, after the watching a friend eat stirfry while I opened fortune cookies I didn’t pay for. After waking up to fog and eating donuts. After awkward art and bonfires and tequila. Caulk jokes and giggles, putting whole eggs in the hot coals to see what would happen. Quiet drives home, the freeway is never empty enough for me. I want to keep...
Potluck tomorrow
Oh god, need to remember the ways to pretend how much I like others’ food.
Ego's bruised y'all
I don't know you guys. I just don't know.
Sad songs and blankets.
Fortune cookie says “Re-evaluate your plans for long-term success.”
Okay.
v.03
The indescribable feeling of standing next to a coworker as they are handed a breast cancer diagnosis.
Dear Bourbon,
2 of you and I’m wasted.
Today was hard.
xoxo, Me
Like it's different from any other relationship
He wouldn’t even say yes out loud. A nod was all the cowardly answer he could give. We sat in silence for probably minutes on end; I was stroking a lock of hair, not looking at the webcam. Immersed in me, in my heartbeat, in how this made me feel. I don’t know what he was doing. The silence cracked when I asked, “So, what’s his name?” and I smiled my big dimpled...