January 2011
19 posts
1 tag
I wish there was whiskey in my cup instead of...
Jesus was stupid to turn water into wine. Have you ever had a wine hangover? If I could do anything other than writhe around in agony from wine hangover, I would kill myself. Worst hangovers ever. Water into whiskey is what a real man would do. Pussy. Meatflaps. Bet he made a lot of dildos for himself with those carpenter skills.
What would jesus do.
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And then god said, "Let there be hormones!"
Look, don't be a bitch and get all hangry on me....
Things I say and people react like I’ve invented a new word. When you’re so hungry you start getting snippy with everything/
Hungry + Angry = Hangry
Going to bed hungry
Because I’m too tired to feed myself dinner.
Too busy to eat lunch.
Too stupid to eat breakfast.
Pretty sure this is how death comes.
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I have a date February 11
Bottle of whiskey and the Justin Bieber movie in 3D.
Cut Copy - Take Me Over
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drinkyourjuice:
El Guincho — Bombay
Still not...
Because sometimes it’s easier to work twelve hour days without lunch breaks. Sometimes it’s easier to go for a five mile run and beat your best time when you’re yawning. Sometimes you piss off your best friend in the world. And sometimes they live in China so it’s really easy for you to stop talking to each other. Sometimes you wish you were better at apologizing and not so...
I PASSED my background check and my DRUG test
I am the best, you guys.
Remembering why I'm not good at...
Me: So, ummm, do you want a drink? I have, umm, water, whiskey, wine, 14 kinds of beer, or ummm, coconut water but that’s for hangovers…. oh! Capri Suns!
In other words, tonight I sat with a Black Boss Porter, a Capri Sun and a glass of water in front of me. I just really like liquids, you guys.
I think I bruised my vag riding that bike last...
The seat was so strangely angled but I didn’t think it would leave lasting pain.
The expensive ergonomic chair at work felt less than pleasant today. How do boys deal with this?
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Okay back back to the fucking basics
Went for a bikeride tonight on my mom’s Huffy and fell off the bike because I was trying to operate my ipod with gloves on.
I know what you’re thinking but the truth is I couldn’t figure out how to brake. I’m such an asshole I couldn’t figure out that handbrakes exists and this Huffy isn’t exactly a fixie.
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Of course
Now I have to go get a drug test.
Jesus fucking christ, y’all.
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I’m fine, I’m just having a difficult time comprehending time.
Or the way I rang in the new year walking to a friend’s house in 22 degree weather in authentic 1940s dress. To say my new dealers’ idea of cookies knocks me into the craziest high I’ve ever experienced is something. I know my friends were mocking me but I just wanted to lay down and listen to only my...
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It's almost 5:30pm
Watching Lifetime movies. Still haven’t showered. Wearing leggings. Again.
Oh yeah, 2011 is already better than the last two years combined. Living my best life ever.