Forgive and forget or let my heart hang heavy make a decision make a decision make a goddamn decision I yell inside my head the decision should be don’t let those assholes bring you down you shouldn’t let them affect you like this no no no you are not broken you are not cracked you are not phased by this but they’re not assholes they’re people I love which is why it hurts so much and why it’s so difficult to pick myself after this stumble in self-esteem even my dreams are troubled I woke myself up crying and go running for the first time in two months oh god oh god this hurts and yoga makes you realize that pain in your lower left back isn’t a knot or stress it’s a motherfucking kidney infection guess I should go to the doctor and get some antibiotics for both this tonsillitis and kidney infection but keep running keep drinking water keep dreaming of red wine at your desk at three pm and think about your current hobbies refinish a metal file cabinet paint it bright fire truck red even though your mother hates its get metal dust in your eye while sanding and looking for a lost book is now a hobby crying in your bosses office and downloading music you may never listen to read an email over and over again until it comforts you buy shampoo until you’ve found the perfect shampoo think about eyeliner and paint your nails colors that makes your boss and friends go, really I mean have you read Murakami’s What I talk About When I Talk About Running he says, Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
